#33

How do you embarrass an archeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.

#32

My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.

#31

I have noticed that everyone who is for abortion, has already been born.

#30

Children in the back seats of cars cause accidents, but accidents in the back seats of cars cause children.

#29

I gave up my seat to a blind person in the bus. That is how I lost my job as a bus driver.

#28

My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag. Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.

#27

Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I’m driving.

#26

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

#25

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

#24

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? “Are you sure it’s mine?”

#23

How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday? Tell her a joke on Wednesday!

#22

How do you make a blonde’s eyes light up? Shine a flashlight in their ear.

#21

What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever.

#20

Why did the blond get fired from the banana plantation? Because she threw out all the bent ones.

#19

What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back.

#18

What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette? Artificial intelligence.

#16

I must have a nice butt, because, everytime I’m walking away from talking to someone they say “What an ass?”

#15

Can I have your picture so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?

#14

If i had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.